Lately I feel like God is pruning me, and calling me to go deeper and deeper in with Him. This is so exciting but extremely uncomfortable at the same time. I’m not afraid of it, in fact, I feel very at peace! But it’s like walking into a fitness class; You know the results are worth the cost but asking someone to kick your gluteus maximus is a very vulnerable thing! Stretch me, push me, help me grow into something more beautiful than I already am. All the cards are on the table, or at least you think they are and then they ask you to squat lower, or grab heavier weights, or pulse that position after you’ve already done 100 lunges! It is exhausting and moving at the very same time.
The hard things lately have been:
Admitting even though I am “right” at that moment, remaining calm and allowing the person the floor that way they know I care about their feelings and I’m willing to shut up so that they can get out whatever it is that is frustrating them or anger they’ve stored up against me.
Saying no to my wants and desires. I have wanted to leave this desert since I was a little girl. All the more, God has made it evident to my husband and I to stay here and invest in our community, neighbors, and friends. This is dying to myself in so many ways. I think I have fantasies of wearing big, thick coats and walking around the east coast, or at least an adorable windbreaker and playing in puddles in the pacific northwest, both with lots of coffee and snuggles by the fireplace. God has said a clear no, at least for now. It doesn’t mean my life won’t be joy-filled here, but I have to let my own little imaginations stay there for now, be dreams for now, and rest in the assurance that He hears me, loves me, and is using me in Phoenix, and that is way better than my desires. Way better to be somewhere I dislike, knowing He is using me for His glory, rather than being somewhere I love and know I am outrightly disobeying him (Jonah anyone?). I have never been good with the sea a motion sickness, so I would rather not flirt with that idea. 😉
Not allowing other people’s opinions rock me. I want to say that I don’t care what people think, and with most things I don’t care. I like Gilmore Girls, you don’t? Sorry for ya. I love mornings. You don’t? Enjoy your late nights and groggy wake up calls. I very much dislike Donald Trump. You’re voting for him? I’ll pray for you. ETC. But I do care what friends and family think about my character, parenting, effort, and the way I cook! And that is okay, it’s important to be blameless and walk in integrity. People judge you by your fruits and labors, but that can be what I rest my identity and peace in. God’s opinion must be the ultimate factor in determining how I feel, what motivates me, drives my passion to do well, who I lean on for strength and comfort, and what my value lies in.
What are the hard things for you lately?