I have no idea what’s next for us right now, but the waiting has been irksome at best. There are glimmers of hope day-to-day and those are my lifelines. Whether it’s in human-form, like an uplifting conversation with a close friend or small talk in line next to stranger at the supermarket. Or in things. Like the gorgeous, at-peak roses brightly bulging along the streets of Arlington or delicious gluten-free lemon, blueberry, and ricotta scones from a favorite coffee shop. I’m thankful and grateful for the small signs sent my way, confirming God’s presence in my life when I’m desperate for it. I left the desert but my soul still feels dry from crying out for clarity and guidance. I know God’s word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path, but the journey looks long in front of me and my feet are heavy and tired from sledging through the mud. He has giving me small takeaways from wise people who have been weaving in and out of my life, but can a girl get an instruction manual? This treasure hunt feel like a road to nowhere. Step-by-step answers would make all this so much easier.
Knowing the season I’m in, the seasoning of waiting and the unknown, my faith can feel dry and God feels distant and distracted. I must remind myself He is close and carrying me through this time. I keep reaching out for an easy answer, for a quick fix, but that’s not what God provides. While God’s love carries us, it also fashions and builds us to withstand the hard things that may come in life. What feels like impossible for me to wade through, it is possible to withstand holding the hand of Christ. We must cling to His Word, bask in His presence, and seek out godly community to help us trudge through the deep waters of pain, longing, waiting, and growth. Some days I can barely pick one foot up and place it in front of the other, and I look back and see that it was done by the grace of God. When I want to push away, I must press in further. Only in His presence is where I’ll truly be set free and released from the pressure and weight of every day. I’ve been surrendering to a few scriptures:
“My times are in Your hands.” Psalm 31:15
“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you,” Psalm 9:10
“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8
These are just a few of the many written Psalms by David who was being chased by an angry and jealous King Saul. During what could have been a crippling time for David, out flows deep words of surrender, worship, and truth that would sustain and encourage generations and generations. What will God birth out of us in times of trails? How will He use us to bless the many who will come after us? He knows the distress of our souls, He hears, and He will save us! (Psalm 31) Hallelujah.